You would think it would just be a case of slipping on a pair of runners grabbing your ipod and off you go on whatever route you have chosen. I wish it could be that simple instead of the faff or checking my peak flow to make sure its not too low ( anywhere lower than 70% of my usual and I wont go for a run- its just not worth the risk). I have set myself out strict criteria to follow as to being well enough to run. I just dont want to risk going for a run and having an attack and landing in hospital!). Then making sure I pre medicate with a neb or a whole lot of ventolin inhaler to get my through my planned run.
It is very difficult sometimes to motivate yourself to go for a run and when your asthma is slightly off kilter it is even harder. Even a drop in 100l/min in peak flow can make a relatively flat simple short run turn into a marathon jog where there seems to be no end. This is why there is so much planning required.
I plan my workout schedule at the weekend for the forth coming week however it nearly never works out the way I planned it. If my chest is not right it all gets thrown around and maybe a gym session with some weights or core stability stuff will be done instead of a run. Some weeks there will be no running setting my training plan totally off leaving me feeling like I need to catch up to be ready for May. (It sounds far off but when you are training for a run with severe asthma I find it best to take double the time to train and build up slower- my theory being this should result in less set backs).
I guess the reason for this post is that I was due to go for a 5km run this morning but as I have been up a lot over night needing my inhaler a run is out of the question so need to rethink what to do today.
I long for the day when I can just slip running shoes on grab my ipod and keys and off i go without another thought....instead of the planning and also letting someone know I have gone for a run incase something happens when I am actually out.
Saturday 11 February 2012
Wednesday 8 February 2012
Asthma and Me
Its difficult to create a history of my asthma it has been such a rollercoaster and still very much is.
I guess a place to start is at diagnosis (well the first one). I was diagnosed aged 3 officially as being asthmatic however was symptomatic from much earlier. For as long as I can remember I have always had inhalers. An early few memories is back when volumatics were huge long devices and I remember having this shoved in my face three times a day to take preventer medication and several other times to have reliever medication. I also remember that before I was even allowed breakfast in the mornings I would go into the kitchen stand on a stool to fetch my inhalers and take them before breakfast. So for me medication has always been part of my daily routine. I still now have my childhood routine engrained in me and will take my inhalers before I have my breakfast (although now I have a pre breakfast of numerous pills too!!!).
My asthma was never much of a bother for most of my primary school years unless I got a cold then it would go straight to my chest. It was not until my second last year of primary that I started missing school, having to leave lessons, not being allowed to take part in classes such as art because of fumes, that my asthma became more troublesome. I would miss a week at a time but was managing to keep up in school and got on well. Once medication was tweaked it settled back down for the most part. As I got older and into my teens I was badly effected by asthma and started having to go to hospital for treatment for attacks and stay in hospital which was a new experience for me. I was terrified. It was not being away from home that terrified me but the fact I had no control of what was happening. I would do as my action plan would say but it was not enough. I felt like I was failing. I tried so hard but it wasnt good enough. Dr's would ask why I didnt take my inhaler or stop what I was doing and I got frustrated because I had. At this stage I guess I began to rebel. I was 16 and didnt rebel the way most people did. I played sport. I would push myself to the limit. When I knew I should be stopping I would continue and push till I could physically go no more. I would run till I was on the floor. Looking back this was not the best thing to do but I continued to do this until probably only a few years ago as I was in control. Sport was my control and if I wanted to do it I would and not let my asthma stop me. (In hind sight this was totally not in control and no wonder I had such issues). Although at this stage I would say my asthma was severe I decided I wasnt going to stop my life and going to do what I wanted. This included going away to live in Canada and learn to become a ski instructor.
Going to Canada for me is the turning point in my asthma from when is went from severe to totally out of control eventually leading to the diagnosis of brittle asthma type 1. I contracted pneumonia when away and became severely unwell resulting in ITU admission and eventually being flown by helicopter to one of the major respiratory units in Canada for treatment ( i remember very little of the air ambulance ride. it was four hours across the mountains which had I been well would have been spectacular!!). I spent 3 weeks in hospital and another week recuperating before I was well enough to fly back home to Scotland. I got myself better and asthma under control again with the help of a resp Dr at the hospital in Edinburgh. So as far as I was concerned that was me. I had more pressing things to worry about other than my asthma. I was due to start university.
I started university studying Sports Science down in Winchester but after one week there I was in ITU with an asthma attack. My first of many admissions to the ITU at Royal Hampshire County Hospital and to the lovely Shawford Ward which soon became my second home. I was determined to continue studying, playing football, rugby and hockey....my opinion was that I only lived once and if I was going to die from my asthma I was going to do what I loved best and that was my sport. I was rather reckless I would over medicate myself before I went out to play a game to make sure my airways were open and take my inhaler as and when I needed it. No matter what people said I could not be told that what I was doing was dangerous. Collapsing on the pitch unable to breathe didn't seem to deter me from playing my sport. I continued 3 years like this and had repeated hospital admissions. I missed so much university I had to do my second year over two years as I spent 4 months continuously in hospital (and that year I spent 44 out of 52 weeks in hospital). I ended up on a subcutaneous infusion of bricanyl 24/7 in a bid to keep me out of hospital. I was on steroids all the time. I had a central line in the community. I had a community matron who came every week to see how I was and what help she could give me as my breathing became so bad that walking became difficult- as in 200 yards would land me in hospital. I was during this time I had a major attack and was in ITU once again. Once I was back in the ward I saw my consultant who was very frank with me. he told me I will kill myself if I continue my life as it is. He told me I would never play sport again as my asthma was so bad and the long term damage of my medication would mean I wouldn't be able to play either. I was shocked. I didnt know what to do. I knew I needed to change. So I left university once again and moved back home to get myself better. I was transferred consultants to the chap I am under now and started to get my life back. I slowly built up my physical strength again. I sorted my mental state out too and began to except I would never play any form of sport and my life was not going to be what I had imagined.
So from there how did I get to where I am now. With a lot of hard work and taking my time I build myself back up. I had muscle wastage, I put on weight and was de-conditioned I had to started from scratch- this was due to a combination of the amount of energy i needed to breath and also the medication I was on. My consultant was and still is fantastic. I spent 2 years not doing any sport other than walking which started off my going to the lamp post down the street and back and then slightly further and so on. I would visit the consultant every month to keep on top of things and be monitored. This didnt stop the hospital admissions as my asthma was still very unstable and I would ended up in an ambulance and taken to hospital where I would go to ITU and then the resp ward often before going home but slowly the time between admissions has increased and I was getting more of a life.
By sacrificing 2 years of my life I have gained so much more. I took the plunge a year ago to join the gym and have not looked back (although I am slightly obsessive about it- for another post). This year I have started playing lacrosse with a local team and cannot believe that I am managing it. I was in hospital last month with a severe attack but this hiccups are to be expected. I am able to do so much more now than I ever dreamed of. But I do know still that it is in part due to all the medication I still take. I tried with my consultant to reduce down my doses however this set me back a lot to the point I was breathless a lot of the time. So I am now under no illusion that my asthma is still pretty severe and that I am where I am because of the medication and compliance I have but I am so grateful. I see my consultant every three months now and due to see him in a few weeks to see where I am at. There is a huge amount I could write on the difficult time I had with my chest but a lot of it is in a previous blog I kept which is at www.justtux.wordpress.com if you want to read it. But for me it is a time I want to keep a written memory of it but not keep thinking about it as it is all to real that I could end up back there again.
I guess a place to start is at diagnosis (well the first one). I was diagnosed aged 3 officially as being asthmatic however was symptomatic from much earlier. For as long as I can remember I have always had inhalers. An early few memories is back when volumatics were huge long devices and I remember having this shoved in my face three times a day to take preventer medication and several other times to have reliever medication. I also remember that before I was even allowed breakfast in the mornings I would go into the kitchen stand on a stool to fetch my inhalers and take them before breakfast. So for me medication has always been part of my daily routine. I still now have my childhood routine engrained in me and will take my inhalers before I have my breakfast (although now I have a pre breakfast of numerous pills too!!!).
My asthma was never much of a bother for most of my primary school years unless I got a cold then it would go straight to my chest. It was not until my second last year of primary that I started missing school, having to leave lessons, not being allowed to take part in classes such as art because of fumes, that my asthma became more troublesome. I would miss a week at a time but was managing to keep up in school and got on well. Once medication was tweaked it settled back down for the most part. As I got older and into my teens I was badly effected by asthma and started having to go to hospital for treatment for attacks and stay in hospital which was a new experience for me. I was terrified. It was not being away from home that terrified me but the fact I had no control of what was happening. I would do as my action plan would say but it was not enough. I felt like I was failing. I tried so hard but it wasnt good enough. Dr's would ask why I didnt take my inhaler or stop what I was doing and I got frustrated because I had. At this stage I guess I began to rebel. I was 16 and didnt rebel the way most people did. I played sport. I would push myself to the limit. When I knew I should be stopping I would continue and push till I could physically go no more. I would run till I was on the floor. Looking back this was not the best thing to do but I continued to do this until probably only a few years ago as I was in control. Sport was my control and if I wanted to do it I would and not let my asthma stop me. (In hind sight this was totally not in control and no wonder I had such issues). Although at this stage I would say my asthma was severe I decided I wasnt going to stop my life and going to do what I wanted. This included going away to live in Canada and learn to become a ski instructor.
Going to Canada for me is the turning point in my asthma from when is went from severe to totally out of control eventually leading to the diagnosis of brittle asthma type 1. I contracted pneumonia when away and became severely unwell resulting in ITU admission and eventually being flown by helicopter to one of the major respiratory units in Canada for treatment ( i remember very little of the air ambulance ride. it was four hours across the mountains which had I been well would have been spectacular!!). I spent 3 weeks in hospital and another week recuperating before I was well enough to fly back home to Scotland. I got myself better and asthma under control again with the help of a resp Dr at the hospital in Edinburgh. So as far as I was concerned that was me. I had more pressing things to worry about other than my asthma. I was due to start university.
I started university studying Sports Science down in Winchester but after one week there I was in ITU with an asthma attack. My first of many admissions to the ITU at Royal Hampshire County Hospital and to the lovely Shawford Ward which soon became my second home. I was determined to continue studying, playing football, rugby and hockey....my opinion was that I only lived once and if I was going to die from my asthma I was going to do what I loved best and that was my sport. I was rather reckless I would over medicate myself before I went out to play a game to make sure my airways were open and take my inhaler as and when I needed it. No matter what people said I could not be told that what I was doing was dangerous. Collapsing on the pitch unable to breathe didn't seem to deter me from playing my sport. I continued 3 years like this and had repeated hospital admissions. I missed so much university I had to do my second year over two years as I spent 4 months continuously in hospital (and that year I spent 44 out of 52 weeks in hospital). I ended up on a subcutaneous infusion of bricanyl 24/7 in a bid to keep me out of hospital. I was on steroids all the time. I had a central line in the community. I had a community matron who came every week to see how I was and what help she could give me as my breathing became so bad that walking became difficult- as in 200 yards would land me in hospital. I was during this time I had a major attack and was in ITU once again. Once I was back in the ward I saw my consultant who was very frank with me. he told me I will kill myself if I continue my life as it is. He told me I would never play sport again as my asthma was so bad and the long term damage of my medication would mean I wouldn't be able to play either. I was shocked. I didnt know what to do. I knew I needed to change. So I left university once again and moved back home to get myself better. I was transferred consultants to the chap I am under now and started to get my life back. I slowly built up my physical strength again. I sorted my mental state out too and began to except I would never play any form of sport and my life was not going to be what I had imagined.
So from there how did I get to where I am now. With a lot of hard work and taking my time I build myself back up. I had muscle wastage, I put on weight and was de-conditioned I had to started from scratch- this was due to a combination of the amount of energy i needed to breath and also the medication I was on. My consultant was and still is fantastic. I spent 2 years not doing any sport other than walking which started off my going to the lamp post down the street and back and then slightly further and so on. I would visit the consultant every month to keep on top of things and be monitored. This didnt stop the hospital admissions as my asthma was still very unstable and I would ended up in an ambulance and taken to hospital where I would go to ITU and then the resp ward often before going home but slowly the time between admissions has increased and I was getting more of a life.
By sacrificing 2 years of my life I have gained so much more. I took the plunge a year ago to join the gym and have not looked back (although I am slightly obsessive about it- for another post). This year I have started playing lacrosse with a local team and cannot believe that I am managing it. I was in hospital last month with a severe attack but this hiccups are to be expected. I am able to do so much more now than I ever dreamed of. But I do know still that it is in part due to all the medication I still take. I tried with my consultant to reduce down my doses however this set me back a lot to the point I was breathless a lot of the time. So I am now under no illusion that my asthma is still pretty severe and that I am where I am because of the medication and compliance I have but I am so grateful. I see my consultant every three months now and due to see him in a few weeks to see where I am at. There is a huge amount I could write on the difficult time I had with my chest but a lot of it is in a previous blog I kept which is at www.justtux.wordpress.com if you want to read it. But for me it is a time I want to keep a written memory of it but not keep thinking about it as it is all to real that I could end up back there again.
Why?
Why blog? After a long absence from blogging I find myself lost almost as to where to write my thoughts and make sense of what I feel. Especially now as I am at a place in my life where 5 years ago I never thought I would be.
On Sunday the 27th May I will be attempting to run the Edinburgh Half Marathon. This may not seem like a huge deal but when you are told age 21 you will never play sport again and possibly not live a normal life without constant medication being pumped into 24/7 to get to here now is a major deal. I am going to raise money for Asthma UK as I make my bid to run the 13 miles from Edinburgh to Musselburgh.
Asthma UK has supported me in a huge number of ways since having my life turned upside down by the illness. I have made a huge number of friends through the charity, participated a weekend away for 18-25 yr old asthmatics, volunteered for the charity, and had support from the dedicated nurses who run the advice line when I have been struggling and not known what to do. By raising money I hope to make more people aware of the impact asthma can have on someone's life but also for those with asthma to show people that anything is possible.
In the lead up to the half marathon I figured I would use this space to write about my experiences of having asthma but also what I am having to do training wise and also medication wise to keep myself well enough to be able to train.
On Sunday the 27th May I will be attempting to run the Edinburgh Half Marathon. This may not seem like a huge deal but when you are told age 21 you will never play sport again and possibly not live a normal life without constant medication being pumped into 24/7 to get to here now is a major deal. I am going to raise money for Asthma UK as I make my bid to run the 13 miles from Edinburgh to Musselburgh.
Asthma UK has supported me in a huge number of ways since having my life turned upside down by the illness. I have made a huge number of friends through the charity, participated a weekend away for 18-25 yr old asthmatics, volunteered for the charity, and had support from the dedicated nurses who run the advice line when I have been struggling and not known what to do. By raising money I hope to make more people aware of the impact asthma can have on someone's life but also for those with asthma to show people that anything is possible.
In the lead up to the half marathon I figured I would use this space to write about my experiences of having asthma but also what I am having to do training wise and also medication wise to keep myself well enough to be able to train.
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