Asthma and Me

Its difficult to create a history of my asthma it has been such a rollercoaster and still very much is.

I guess a place to start is at diagnosis (well the first one). I was diagnosed aged 3 officially as being asthmatic however was symptomatic from much earlier. For as long as I can remember I have always had inhalers. An early few memories is back when volumatics were huge long devices and I remember having this shoved in my face three times a day to take preventer medication and several other times to have reliever medication. I also remember that before I was even allowed breakfast in the mornings I would go into the kitchen stand on a stool to fetch my inhalers and take them before breakfast. So for me medication has always been part of my daily routine. I still now have my childhood routine engrained in me and will take my inhalers before I have my breakfast (although now I have a pre breakfast of numerous pills too!!!).

My asthma was never much of a bother for most of my primary school years unless I got a cold then it would go straight to my chest. It was not until my second last year of primary that I started missing school, having to leave lessons, not being allowed to take part in classes such as art because of fumes, that my asthma became more troublesome. I would miss a week at a time but was managing to keep up in school and got on well. Once medication was tweaked it settled back down for the most part.  As I got older and into my teens I was badly effected by asthma and started having to go to hospital for treatment for attacks and stay in hospital which was a new experience for me. I was terrified. It was not being away from home that terrified me but the fact I had no control of what was happening. I would do as my action plan would say but it was not enough. I felt like I was failing. I tried so hard but it wasnt good enough. Dr's would ask why I didnt take my inhaler or stop what I was doing and I got frustrated because I had. At this stage I guess I began to rebel. I was 16 and didnt rebel the way most people did. I played sport. I would push myself to the limit. When I knew I should be stopping I would continue and push till I could physically go no more. I would run till I was on the floor. Looking back this was not the best thing to do but I continued to do this until probably only a few years ago as I was in control. Sport was my control and if I wanted to do it I would and not let my asthma stop me. (In hind sight this was totally not in control and no wonder I had such issues). Although at this stage I would say my asthma was severe I decided I wasnt going to stop my life and going to do what I wanted. This included going away to live in Canada and learn to become a ski instructor.

Going to Canada for me is the turning point in my asthma from when is went from severe to totally out of control eventually leading to the diagnosis of brittle asthma type 1. I contracted pneumonia when away and became severely unwell resulting in ITU admission and eventually being flown by helicopter to one of the major respiratory units in Canada for treatment ( i remember very little of the air ambulance ride. it was four hours across the mountains which had I been well would have been spectacular!!). I spent 3 weeks in hospital and another week recuperating before I was well enough to fly back home to Scotland. I got myself better and asthma under control again with the help of a resp Dr at the hospital in Edinburgh. So as far as I was concerned that was me. I had more pressing things to worry about other than my asthma. I was due to start university.

I started university studying Sports Science down in Winchester but after one week there I was in ITU with an asthma attack. My first of many admissions to the ITU at Royal Hampshire County Hospital and to the lovely Shawford Ward which soon became my second home. I was determined to continue studying, playing football, rugby and hockey....my opinion was that I only lived once and if I was going to die from my asthma I was going to do what I loved best and that was my sport. I was rather reckless I would over medicate myself before I went out to play a game to make sure my airways were open and take my inhaler as and when I needed it. No matter what people said I could not be told that what I was doing was dangerous. Collapsing on the pitch unable to breathe didn't seem to deter me from playing my sport. I continued 3 years like this and had repeated hospital admissions. I missed so much university I had to do my second year over two years as I spent 4 months continuously in hospital (and that year I spent 44 out of 52 weeks in hospital). I ended up on a subcutaneous infusion of bricanyl 24/7 in a bid to keep me out of hospital. I was on steroids all the time. I had a central line in the community. I had a community matron who came every week to see how I was and what help she could give me as my breathing became so bad that walking became difficult- as in 200 yards would land me in hospital. I was during this time I had a major attack and was in ITU once again. Once I was back in the ward I saw my consultant who was very frank with me. he told me I will kill myself if I continue my life as it is. He told me I would never play sport again as my asthma was so bad and the long term damage of my medication would mean I wouldn't be able to play either. I was shocked. I didnt know what to do. I knew I needed to change. So I left university once again and moved back home to get myself better. I was transferred consultants to the chap I am under now and started to get my life back. I slowly built up my physical strength again. I sorted my mental state out too and began to except I would never play any form of sport and my life was not going to be what I had imagined.

So from there how did I get to where I am now. With a lot of hard work and taking my time I build myself back up. I had muscle wastage, I put on weight and was de-conditioned I had to started from scratch- this was due to a combination of the amount of energy i needed to breath and also the medication I was on. My consultant was and still is fantastic. I spent 2 years not doing any sport other than walking which started off my going to the lamp post down the street and back and then slightly further and so on. I would visit the consultant every month to keep on top of things and be monitored. This didnt stop the hospital admissions as my asthma was still very unstable and I would ended up in an ambulance and taken to hospital where I would go to ITU and then the resp ward often before going home but slowly the time between admissions has increased and I was getting more of a life.

By sacrificing 2 years of my life I have gained so much more. I took the plunge a year ago to join the gym and have not looked back (although I am slightly obsessive about it- for another post). This year I have started playing lacrosse with a local team and cannot believe that I am managing it. I was in hospital last month with a severe attack but this hiccups are to be expected. I am able to do so much more now than I ever dreamed of. But I do know still that it is in part due to all the medication I still take. I tried with my consultant to reduce down my doses however this set me back a lot to the point I was breathless a lot of the time. So I am now under no illusion that my asthma is still pretty severe and that I am where I am because of the medication and compliance I have but I am so grateful. I see my consultant every three months now and due to see him in a few weeks to see where I am at. There is a huge amount I could write on the difficult time I had with my chest but a lot of it is in a previous blog I kept which is at www.justtux.wordpress.com if you want to read it. But for me it is a time I want to keep a written memory of it but not keep thinking about it as it is all to real that I could end up back there again.